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The disappoinments .
Thursday, March 10, 2011 @ 9:14 PM
Family problems are always the main reason why I'm sad/angry . Well you know I have a fucked up younger bro . He's really fucked up and I dislike him maybe cause face problem and attitude problem. The year 2007 , I'm really violent, I beat my bro everyday . And mom scolded me that I 'should' tolerate him as HE'S STILL SMALL :) . So yes, I did! Until now, 2011 .. 4 years ;D ! How can you fucking tolerate at a boy who's so bad at his attitude ? You know what? My beloved mommy said " If you beat your bro, ask him go to hell , he'll copy your actions, so this is you as a sister ? " Oh wow ... You know sometimes when you shouldn't control your temper also you spilt vulgars and beat him up , so that's you as a mother ? He started scolded vulgars because everyday YOU SAID IT . Not me, don't play blame. And you should know everyone have their limit . And he crossed it , and I he made my level of tolerance for him is already boiling going to explode . Oh yes, I did the day before yesterday! Let me explain to you , I was back from tuition yesterday and it's quite early , about 6pm I reached home . So I went to online because everyday I have my time limit to online. I need to do homework, and get more sleep . So yeah, I want to take this oppurtunity to online and check my stuff . So my OH-SO-BELOVED bro was beside me and he waiting for me to finish online as he know after I check my stuff and I'll be going upstair to get some rest. Well, he waited. And he watched me type. Seriously, that's my conversation with my friends, I hate people staring at me while I'm typing. Don't he have some common sense ? Like oh please? Yeah and I asked him to fuck off. He's still here standing behind me watching me typing every word . After a while, he went away to take his racquet and started to hit the chair . For me, I love peaceful sound . He make noises and it ANNOYS me badly okay. And yeah , I shouted at him , " Can you die far away? you're fucking annoying " . My mom was just right beside him and scolded me for don't be so rude to my LITTLE brother. Omg I'm sorry little brother ... lol fuck. If you're asking why am I being so vulgar , well . . you should alr know who's the one shouting vulgar EVERYSINGLEDAY at home ;D I shouted at my bro and say, you fucking make noises again im gonna delete your game . He said " delete lar " . So I deleted, as he said that o.O Well yes I deleted his game , WonderKing, M.A.T and Counterstrike . useless game . and he went up and pluck out the modem. I was in a middle of conversation with my friend. oh yeah... I totally fired up and I went up and said , ' give me back the modem ' . He asked me why , this annoys me more .. I said give me back before I go crazy and slap you. He said " You delete my game, why must I give you? " . I run over to him and I pulled his hair, " I ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME YOU WANT TO GIVE OR NOT? " . And he .... started to cry. Aaawwww, and he asked for mommy . 11years old alr ask for mommy . When I'm 11, what I do? I do homework myself, I shower , eat , wear clothes myself . Him ? Everything maid do for him . Even brushing his damn teeth . Sometimes he don't brush . And at 11, I'm always being scolded at . that's because he's just born out. Unlucky me. I went put back modem and online. :O he cried like the world is going to end tomorrow . And yeah, I have no mood as I'm angry so I went up and clean my room . Mom came in with racquet in her hand and pointed at me . " why did you hit your bro? " I said " He pissed me off :) " " the one should hit is me, not you " Oh, did you ever hit him when he's wrong then ? " You dont make me hit you " Mom, you are VERY unfair, you one sided . When it's obviously he wrong, you say until like he's right . when I'm the right one, you ACCUSE me like I'm the wrong and did some criminal crime. Thank you so much for the words you said totally stabbed in my heart and I don't believe you more. I shouted with you saying that you are FUCKING unfair and you are ONE SIDED AND everything I do is WRONG. I cried and went in toilet to cry . And ah, yes I cried for 1 hour :D I didn't talk to her until today . She called me just now when I'm walking to train station :( " WHY ARE YOU SO LATE ? WHERE ARE YOU " ..."i'm coming back la? " " Di..." -kup her phone- And 2min later she calls me back . " I HAVENT SAY FINISH , YOU REACHING OR NOT ? " ...-.-" I just reach train station " -kup her phone- then she waited me at train station :O lol Oh that's not the point I trying to say . Is that she, treat my bro like an egg in her hand . Me? shout at me, pulls my earphone, throw my stuff. With my bro? Oh no no no , pat his head , hugs him , what good stuff also he have it first . Well I can't be jealous , I know that my bro is oh-so-pitiful and he's a bit of crazy :( Must let people like him have it first mah ! I got learn moral one :) The way mom treat him and US is so different. It's so RARE that she'd ask me softly and talk to me nicely. Instead of worrying me she scolded me in car . " why are you so late, where did you went ? " ...I told you 1000000000000x times that I have college class on MONDAY, TUES , THURS and it start at 6.30-8.30 . you want I repeat how many times ? And she goes silent . Mom thank you for stabbing my heart. My trust for you wouldn't be that strong anymore. You hurt me , as your daughter . You are so unfair. and you always say that you're fair . You always argue with dad, it makes me feel so stress . I can do nothing about it. I very sad. And you keep on scold scold scold. Dad have his own hard time on earning money too. You couldn't just scold him . Why don't you take his place and experience what he' experienced ? You just sit there nag nag nag, started a topic to argue. I hate this ok. You don't think that I'm only 17 and I don't have stress . Stress is not only comes by working. Don't say study dont have stress/tired. We used too much brain and we feels stress. Headache , ever heard of it ? Brain is the part that controls our mind and body . Its not like, oh we work, we stress. It's not only comes by working. You dont understand. thats it. And my beloved relatives , I would like to say that, please don't try to say , " Your mom actually loves you... she cares about you.. just forget about it ok..? " Let's say I'm your mom and I scolded you like you did a crime. It's not one time . It happens every month . Do you feel happy and comfortable in home ? No . don't say until like you understand me. I'm very emotional. My temper is not good. I get angry easily but I STILL CONTROL INFRONT OF MY PARENTS. At least I didn't shout at them . " When you grow up you will regret what you say .. " well that's for future to decide. maybe you experience more than me . but what's happening is NOW . Why go for future ? It's the problem that , now I'm very sad. I hurt and it's very hard to swallow this kind of heart-stabbing feeling . you dont understand because you never experienced it before . So, shut up and ignore me. the one who has right to comment about me is my dad or mom or my grandma . End of story . -------------------------------- Thankyou yang for the song I like it very much altho some part makes my hair stands. Overall, not bad :) |